This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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