Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
