My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
did i walk over a car last night?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize