So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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