I got chris browned last night
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
