Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
