So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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