If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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