All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
