my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
