I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
