I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize