also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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