So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
