Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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