Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
She needs sedatives and a leash
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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