I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
