I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
