I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
