Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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