apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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