OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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