just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
