At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
