just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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