ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
