YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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