The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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