if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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