We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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