you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
