i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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