Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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