just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Princesses don't give blow jobs
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
