:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize