Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
