people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
i now understand why vodka
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
