i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
