Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize