guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's blow job season.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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