Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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