god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
