I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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