dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
