Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
