my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
