my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize