Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
