seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
