I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize