I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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