im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
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