I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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