it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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