Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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