my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
