hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
