After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
