So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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