wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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