I'm lost and stupid without you.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
