the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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