I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
