Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
