My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
