I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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