I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
