Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We need to get me chipped asap
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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