using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
