when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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