Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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