your room smells of hookers.
And success
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
