Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
