she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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