he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
