You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
