I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
