I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
