Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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