So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
