How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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