Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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