She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We don't watch enough power rangers
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Come on in and take your pants off
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