I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
