Just fell off a train. Bad.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Panties = found
Randomize
