Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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