Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
