its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
