How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
