woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
