He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
