Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize