im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
