I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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