Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
