put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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