ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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