end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
