she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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